Bad Day & Chronic Depression ?
Q.Chronic Depression is - like many (all?) of the illnesses that used to be labeled "mental" - a biological chemical imbalance in the brain that can be controlled with medication. Like diabetes, without the proper medication, it can be deadly. But unlike diabetes, some people tend to assign value judgements to people afflicted with it.
A.Like one of my other best friends, Jay. He was an alcoholic for years until he was diagnosed with Chronic Depression and put on medication. He quit drinking, went to law school, graduated in the top 10% of his class, got a good job, and married another lawyer. Who had a "thing" about his taking drugs. And nagged him into giving up his medication. Two years later, he was dead at his own hands. My BIL's life was actually looking up. He had a new love interest, and was looking forward to transferring back to this area. She lives here, and so does his daughter, and Tim, who was his best friend and brother. But "reason" has nothing to do with the depth of depression one can fall into when the brain lacks serotonin. My sympathy goes to the children, relatives, friends, and spouse of the suicide. I know full well what they are going through. I found my mother when I was 16, just after she shot herself. She had no brothers or sisters, and I am also an only child. My father has been non existent. The alone-ness I felt as a teenager and young adult was huge. Aside from the graphic ugliness that you will never get over, the rest of society will treat (unknowingly) them different. Suicide is discussed in whispers. It's almost as if people are afraid they will "catch" it. It's misunderstood. It's ugly. The real victims are the surrounding people who are filled with guilt as to what they should have done, or noticed. The "suicide note" is given WAY too much credit, or in my mom's case, the lack of one. It is, after all, written by someone who is mentally ill. My advice from a been there, did that standpoint is to get help. Alcoholism, and drug abuse are big causative factors. Addressing dysfunction in immediate family may be in order. The incorrect dealing with suicide may cause a chain reaction. More dysfunction, more self destructive behavior in the surviving family members. Counseling, whatever it takes. Just as in a death from normal, natural, society accepted causes, the family members need to go through the grieving process, but suicide is so bizarre, the process is often interrupted, because the death is un-natural. If there are children, they will feel staring eyes, going back to school, they will sense their friends whispering and pointing, "That's so and so, her mother killed herself". It's tough, there are no real answers, but be a good supporter. You said it was your brother in law, don't know if he was married to your sister or how the connection works, but compassion will always be appreciated. If you just call and say "I'm here for you", then that means a lot. My aunt hanged herself years after her kids grew up and moved out. Her husband found her 8 hours later. My family's not one to talk about it much, and the depression spread around like a metastatic cancer. Suicide survivors are exactly that--they have to survive the awful aftermath.
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