Pictures Behind Your Eyes???
Q.Does anyone ever see moving patterns, like kaleidoscopes? I've seen this stuff ever since I was a kid, more at night, whether my eyes were open or shut. It's beautiful, really, almost like an acid trip. But these pictures came long before my first hit of LSD. Being diagnosed at 15 as paranoid schizophrenic was based partly on this occurance. Sometimes my walls and ceilings are so busy it seems they're going to cave in from all the activity. Is this just tuning into the Universal Grid or am I nuts? Either one is ok, because I like what I see.
A.But that's normal, that's blood flow in the eyes. Also, my vision is like a Seurat painting, all in dotted patterns. Maybe we're just more sensitive to the breakdown of patterns, as artists, not necessarily as mood disordered people. But one other thing is mood related: do you ever see still pictures, like you're watching a slide show of dreams? not afterimages, from staring at things too long, but actual images. Or the dreaming starts as soon as the lights go off, before you're asleep. I think that's some sort of breakdown or leak between the brain that functions during REM sleep and that which functions during consciousness.... And, does blood flow give actual images? In addition to the kaleidoscopic patterns, I also see images, plain as day, like on a carousel. People, animals, various shapes, some geometric. Sometimes they weave in and out of each other, and it is so beautiful to watch. I almost go into a trance at times, I get so absorbed in them. When I was in Peru a few years ago, and did sacred medicine journeying with ayuhuasca (similar to peyote), I had similar images, except more intense and of shorter duration, as I only drank a half dose. I find it hard to believe that something as common as blood flow (when so many people I ask have not a fucking clue what I'm talking about) could be taken out of context by so-called "professionals" in a psych hospital & used to pin labels on people... If anyone has more info on this blood flow thingie, I sure would be interested in researching it. I don't know if this is what you see, but I started seeing whirling and twisting colors and lines at night when I was a little girl about 5. They would form themselves into shapes that were more often than not frightening, although sometimes they were comforting and soothing. Pictures would form into familiar yet recognizable things/beings. If I tried to look away, they would spin faster and faster and trap me in their orbit. If I tried to look more closely, they would envelop me. They were more similar to peyote images than LSD images, but of a different nature than either. I took neither drug until I was about 20 so the night images began at least 15 years before. I know now that they began shortly after I began dissociating. I see them less now as an adult. I know if they do return, I need to find out what's triggering them.
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