Depression and Suicide ?
Q.Why would it be betraying yourself? It sounds like you really do need some sort of help. Go out and get it, is my advice. Clinical depression is a disease, not something you just snap out of, but it's a disease that can be cured.
A.Depression runs in my family, and I've got some of the tendencies myself. If you don't mind a few observations? I've noticed that depression seems to strike worst those people who are naturally very good, decent humans, ones who actively empathize with the world and all the woes contained in it. Sometimes, I think, all of that can get a little overwhelming. It's a chemical thing, yes, but there does seem to be some correlation. But here's the thing -- you wrote that you didn't want to get help because it would seem like a betrayal of yourself. You know, I do understand that, like we shouldn't need outside help or chemicals to manage what are our *selves*. And the trouble with depression, honestly, is that when we're feeling down, and the longer we feel it, the less we remember how very good it feels to *not* feel down, and the less we believe we can. It's like it's too much damn trouble to even make the attempt, because the depression tells us its doomed to failure, or not worth it, or something. And that is where that rational self comes back into play, the same rational self that is overriding a desire for suicide. Because it *is* possible to feel better, to feel *alive*, and it doesn't detract from the you that is you in the doing of it. Even if you don't remember how good that is, or don't remember it enough to believe it, your reasonable self does know, right? It's worth looking for help just on the chance that it just might work, don't you think? There are lots of new things out there, and more and more information about the mechanisms involved in this particular disease. And it is a disease. I know that much. It's not a lack of character, and it's not a flaw. Did you know Winston Churchhill suffered from depression? I think he called them his "Black Dogs" or something like that. It's a specific physical mechanism that's out of whack. Just like having the flu makes you feel like shit, so does this. There are ways to lesson these occurances. I have found that nothing has completely "cured" my depression, but I have found things that help. First, discussing it is great. It does wonders. Second, there are medications that can help balance out the chemical disorders that may be causing your depression.
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